Are you watching?
by ArmorOfDay
Summary: Light just can't stop thinking about L. Hint of yaoi.


**Are you watching**

Are you watching? I'm sure you are. You always are. Always watching me with those dark eyes that never seem to blink. Watching and planning, trying to catch me in a lie.  
I sometimes wish it had been different. That you hadn't needed to die. But if you had lived you'd have caught me, wouldn't you? I'd never have been able to create my new world if you were here.  
Still, I can't help but miss you. You were the only person I could speak to as an equal. The only one on my level. Even if you did have the annoying habit of analyzing everything I said or did. Then you'd rattle off something about the percentage of me being Kira.  
Are you watching? Of course you are. I can feel your eyes on me as I shape the world from the shadows. Even now, you're always right beside me. I remember the last time we spoke to each other. You grabbed me by the collar and kissed me for the first and last time. Then you said you hoped you were wrong about me. Was that your way of saying you loved me?  
I think I could have loved you. I don't know. Maybe. I know I loved the challenge of staying one step ahead of you. It wasn't an easy thing to do. But it gave me such a thrill. Nothing else gives me that feeling of victory.  
Are you watching? Why wouldn't you be? It's dull without you. There's no one to match their wits against me. There's Near of course, but he's nothing. He's on the other side of the world, and yet I can read his every move. It's no fun when it's so easy.  
I miss you. I know it's sappy, but it's true. I keep thinking about that kiss you gave me. Your mouth tasted sweet against mine. Probably because of all that cake you were always eating. It's surprising you were so thin. If Misa ate that much junk, she'd weigh 300 pounds.  
God I hate Misa. Nothing but an annoying, slutty little nitwit. Always trying to seduce me. If it weren't for her shinigami eyes she'd be completely useless. I'd certainly prefer your company than hers.  
Are you watching? Are you really watching? I wonder what it would have been like if I had never gotten the notebook back. With the notebook gone, I had no memories of being Kira. If it had stayed that way, would we have become a couple? I think we might have. We'd have been good together. Sometimes I can't help imagining you lying in the bed with me at night. Despite the fact you never slept more than half an hour.  
But sleeping wasn't a big part of my fantasies. I prefer to imagine the feeling of your skin against my own. The musky scent of your hair as I bury my face in the soft locks. The way we fit together perfectly. The pleasure of feeling you inside me.  
Are you watching? I hope you are. It's lonely without you here. I may be taking the world in hand, but there's no one to share my victory with. I need a challenge. It's all become too easy, almost routine now. With you I had to think on my feet. It was stimulating to figure out your plans to catch me. Nothing's stimulating now.  
I've won the game. Half the world worships Kira now. All I have to do is sit back and watch as the rest either fall into line or die. It's pretty boring to tell the truth. There are no more obstacles for me to overcome. I need obstacles to feel fulfilled.  
Are you watching? I need you. I love you. I wish you were here. I can't stop thinking about you. It's like you've taken over my brain. I can't get you out of my mind. You're always watching me. Stop it! Get out of my head!  
I can't take it anymore! Leave me alone! Go away! I feel like I'm going insane. You're always there. Always! Why? Why are you haunting me? Why can't you leave me be? You're dead! You're dead and gone! Stay that way! You're always in my head. I can't get you out of my thoughts!  
Are you watching? All I can see is you. You've taken over my life. Always there, always with me. I can feel your hands around my neck, slowly squeezing. I'm being suffocated. It's hard to breathe. Everyday I slip a little more into oblivion. Soon there will be nothing left of me. I'll be just a shell. My life is empty and void. There's no point in anything anymore. No point in anything at all.  
Are you watching?


End file.
